How many more times?

Are your days as long as mine?

There must be 23 hours in my day when kids are awake, translate needy, and possibly ONE hour for me to catch my breath.

Especially on these long days when Walter prepares for his actuarial exam I fight constant battles to be present with whatever defines my mommy job at the time.

It could mean making another peanut butter and jelly sandwich

or pushing Asher on the swing until my arms fall off

or changing yet another diaper

or filling more ice cube trays with puree baby food to freeze

or putting on shoes and socks and coats and hats and blankets (and don't forget the pacifier!)

or draining a baby's nose with that handy squishy bulb the hospitals send home

or exclaiming one more time about the beautiful music notes Asher drew.

But when I'm about to quit and boycott any more responsibilities, I'm reminded of the alternative.

Someday those little runny noses will not be here. Sure I'll have other responsibilities as a mom, but these physically demanding days will be gone. The emotional challenges of teen years will come and eventually a new phase of interacting with Asher and Amelie as parents themselves will dawn.

So I wonder today how many more times will I get to

push Asher super duper monster high on the swing?

cuddle my sweet girl before she starts to walk ?

make room on the refrigerator for more of Asher's sunshines and smiley faces and music notes?

point out diggers and firetrucks and construction sites while we drive?

tuck them in and kiss their peaceful faces?

And with this thought I end my hour of aloneness and begin my 23 hours of being needed!

Relationship Analysis - Pantagraph

Writing about being a mom comes easy for me. Every day Asher gives me new ideas of things I want to ponder through writing and my mind works through parenting questions as my fingers pound out words.

But writing about marriage challenges me and leaves me feeling like I have so little experience and such primitive advice to share. Walter and I have been married for six years and I feel like I have more things to learn about being a wife than I did seven years ago.

But, I took a challenge and wrote about analyzing relationships in my Hearts at Home column this month. This I do know; I will forever be curious about new ways to better understand my marriage. Any other ideas are definitely welcome!

Auction Day

Grandma picked up the child-size iron and wiped off invisible dust when I said I planned to bid on it. I'm sure she had wiped it a dozen times before, but this time was the last. One cart full of her lifetime collection of household treasures had already been scattered among eager treasure hunters and this cart was left. There were a few large items of Grandpa's outside waiting to see where their new home would be and then they would all be gone.

Today's auction clearly proved that the possessions we spend a lifetime collecting will someday be scattered for pennies. Grandpa sat just a few blocks away, with his mind much farther away, while the farm equipment he used daily headed to other barns and even antique shops. That wooden wheelbarrow which he once used to haul hay then spent years gathering dust in the back of the hayloft now will complete its journey to rest in a gardener's yard.

My heart grew heavy when I thought about the stories behind each item being sold. The washbins where I spent hours washing sweetcorn while Grandpa cut the kernels off, Grandma steamed, and aunts and cousins husked stood in the corner and I discovered them just in time to snap a few pictures before they too were auctioned away. I rescued dad's firetruck but many of his tractors found new homes.

It's just stuff. Stuff that will rot and rust. Moths will destroy and thieves will break in and steal.

Some will spend a lifetime focused on collecting stuff to fill up houses and barns here.

I have been challenged today to spend my lifetime focused on storing up treasures to be discovered someday in a new Home where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal.

Creation

The box under Asher's bed holds treasured creations. There's the almost straight lines he drew when he was 2, the hand print turkey from last Thanksgiving, recent attempts to write his name (complete with a clearly drawn "A", the proud mother said!), and now his first identifiable drawing, a smiley face. I'm amazed at how quickly his artistic abilities have taken off since he started preschool. Now he colors close to the lines and works on drawing even straighter "straight lines." I watch his little artistic abilities grow and love encouraging this God-given desire to create.

I share Asher's excitement over making beautiful, tasty, and even useful creations.

Those rows of holey uneven yarn still hanging on the needle, waiting for me to learn how to cast off, represent my recent attempts to learn how to knit.

The bare walls in my kitchen where wallpaper hung yesterday morning show my intentions to create an updated space for my family.

And even the dozens of paper scraps lying here around my desk hold the beginnings to that next great article waiting to be written.

As summer has clearly given way to fall, as I button my jeans that popped open last year at this time because of the life growing inside of me, evidence of God's creative hand are everywhere. His creation story began thousands of years ago with an amazing garden, hilarious yet scary animals, and people, in the image of the Creator. And He continues to create.

Red yellow and orange leaves, squirrels hustling across the road, developing babies, and even the smiley faces of a three year old. His creation, and inspiration for us to exercise the gift of creation ourselves.

What do you love to create?

Whether its baking a scrumptious apple pie, singing joyfully, or knitting a few rows, attempting another washcloth, make creation a priority on your to do list today and glorify your Creator whose passion for creativity we share.

Three signs

1. No Dogs.
2. No Babies.
3. I love you!

These were the 3 signs Asher hung on our porch a couple of months ago. Don't look for them if you stop by, they exist only in his mind.

The first sign shows his intense dislike for dogs. Whenever we see at dog at the Farmers Market, walking on the trail, across the street, a mile away, anywhere, Asher launches into a dramatic soliloquy. It usually goes something like this (read in a very loud intense voice):

"Oh no! What is that creature up there that I don't like with its tongue hanging out? I do not like dogs! The whole earth is covered in dogs and none of them are nice!"

And so, we have a sign on our porch announcing that dogs are not invited to our home.

We are still puzzled by the third sign. It must have been hung because we ask Asher to say something nice whenever he says something mean. The nice thing he says is usually "I love you." So a sign on the porch covers anything mean he will say?

The second sign announcing his feelings about babies was our most troublesome one. It might as well just have said "No Amelie." because she was the motivation for hanging the sign. For over a year, Asher has felt the need to yell at babies and talk about how there should not be any babies allowed - anywhere.

When we actually brought a baby into our home, you can imagine his dismay! For months he has talked about how he doesn't like his sister and regularly describes very creative but mean things he wants to do to her. The most entertaining of those ideas has been to cover her in sap.

But out of the blue this weekend, he told us that he took down the No Babies sign on the porch!

And he has been absolutely true to his word. From that moment, he has loved his sister. There have been no more mean words directed to her, I don't have to shield her from being "hidden" under a pillow and he wants to give her a kiss every night.

Somehow he softened towards her and has not looked back. Babies are now allowed and welcomed in our home.

Sorry dogs, maybe your sign will come down soon.

Out of the office still

A year ago today, I packed up my cubicle and left the office for the last time.

I still don't regret the decision to be at home full time, but I do miss going to work more than I thought I would. I loved the researching, writing, working with interns, and presenting in my old job, but I think its getting dressed and going to the office that I miss the most.

My business casual clothes hung in my closet all year and I look at them some mornings and consider dressing professionally. But then I remember the items on my daily agenda include changing diapers, playing at the park, wiping crumbs off the floor and I reach instead for clothes that better fit my mommy profession.

Some days this year I've watched jealously as Walter grabs his coffee thermos puts on his dress shoes and drives away. I don't really want to drive away from my family, I know I would miss answering a hundred times a day why I go to the bathroom sitting down instead of standing up, but it would be exciting just for one day to rejoin the sea of employees walking into the office building.

Over the past year I've learned to enjoy drinking coffee while feeding a baby instead of while chatting with my coworker, George or hearing Sheryl's latest cat story.

I've birthed a baby rather than a hundred research papers.

I've met with other moms to strategize how to resolve potty training issues before preschool starts rather than deciding how to meet a request from the top floor that needs to be on his desk before the end of the day.

I've received payment in hugs and kisses instead of merit increases and bonuses.

And this last reason makes it worth every day I stay at home instead of making that trek up four flights of stairs to my old desk.

They are my investment in the future and the reason I stay home.

The mystery of Badtalks

We were so anxious yesterday at our church picnic to finally get to meet Asher's friend, Badtalks!

Every week we peek into Asher's Sunday School classroom hoping to get a glimpse of this blond haired boy. Our son, the one set on doing his own thing regardless of who is joining him in the activity, declared to us over a month ago that he had met his "favorite friend in the whole world!"

Immediately we asked what his name was. Typical to a three year old, he had no idea but only that he was a construction worker, just like him.

So the next week, we prepped him with a conversation he should have with this mystery boy. Asher was to introduce himself and then ask the other boy what his name was. Well, it was reported that the conversation did take place, but the other boy did not disclose his name.

How disappointed we were. Visions of meeting this fun boy, inviting him to our house for playdate after playdate and encouraging a life long friendship had gone by the wayside.

To compensate for not knowing the little boy's name, Asher gave him a name..."Badtalks." And so I've found myself so eager to drop Asher off each Sunday hoping to get a glimpse of this favorite friend. While the teachers pin Asher's name onto his shirt, I question him in a whisper about if he sees a "special" friend?

I am so overeager to meet this boy and all because Asher so excitedly told us about him weeks ago. I've thought about this child I don't know and wonder what kind of magic influence he has to make our son actually talk about how much he likes a friend. Badtalks is a friend I want to know because of the praises of my son.

So does anyone want to know my friends because of the good things I say about them?
Most importantly, does anyone want to know Jesus because of the praises I declare about Him?

Have I told enough people about
- His goodness to give me a wonderful husband and happy six years of marriage?
- His compassion to answer my constant prayers for another child?
- His provision of wonderful stay at home mom friends that I love hanging out with?
- His sovereignty and perfect timing for my parents to be home while Walter studies?
- His refreshment, restoration, peace, joy, and hope?

And that's just getting started.
I doubt I've told enough people but now I've told you! Jesus is way better than Badtalks! I hope you will meet Him as well.