too much

"I'm too full, mommy."
She says this with one more half pancake, banana bread pieces, and a bowl of cereal left in front of her.

All this after I read about the seven month old Somalian boy with skin taut around his ribs and eyes that stare straight ahead into nothing.

Pudgy three month old boy sleeps upstairs in his crib after I wiped drops of milk spilt onto his face.

Somalian mother has walked for days to reach help but it might have been too late and how many others did she pass on the way who couldn't make it?

Five year old skinny by choice son still rests in bed. He will wake up and choose a mouse amount of food, when he has the pantry available to him.

My mind needs medicine too states the Somalian mommy.

Yes, my mind does too. I can't comprehend having to watch babies want food not available to me.

Sure we're out of eggs and bread right now and I'm trying to stretch what we do have until the next grocery store trip on Friday, but I could ask Walter to stop on the way home tonight and we'd have more than plenty.

I think I read 800,000 are at risk for starvation and I threw away strawberries that I let grow fuzzy in the refrigerator.

I'm frustrated with the unequal distribution of resources around the world. I'm angry at the Somalis who killed aid workers.  I'm annoyed with my abundance when much of the world doesn't even have enough.

And I don't even have a point or a solution. Just thoughts. just prayers.

sometimes not

I love my early mornings. They are my time to be Angie. Not mommy or sweetie or friend, just Angie. Alone, with God.  Sometimes in this quiet time I simply sit and talk with God about the swirl of stuff in my mind. Sometimes there are specific things I just can't stop wondering, dreaming, or worrying about.
Usually I have the Bible with me and usually I read a verse or two or twenty.

But sometimes not.

It's the "sometimes not" days I love best.  Sometimes not happens because I've felt God's presence so personally and I know this is what He wants me to carry throughout the day.

Today was one of those days. I'm celebrating that Asa slept for eight straight hours for the first time. When I finished feeding him, he fell back asleep over my shoulder and I couldn't put him down.

Sweet puffs of regular breathing. Pudgy arms resting around my neck.

Living in the moments I spent so much time pleading for.

Absolutely gifts. The kind I never ever want to forget.

Nothing more peaceful in the world.

The clock kept urging me to put him down, jump in the shower, get down to the couch to spend the quiet time with God.  That schedule, my type A check it off the list personality.

But God spoke over the clock and I knew adoring the gift He sent to me needed to be my quiet time for today.

It was a sometimes not kind of morning.

summertime classics

 The summer of 2010 will be defined in my mind as the months of the Sheriff. Watching Home on the Range, feeling nauseous from a new life growing inside, handing Amelie vitamins to share with her brother, and Mediterranean Spa in my Scentsy burner.

I can't tell you yet what the summer of 2011 will be defined as.  Possibly will include a googly eyed boy in his Bumbo, a drama queen sweetie flip-flopping her decisions between cereals, finding the crafter's latest masterpiece attached to the wall with letter stickers, and nights outside after kids are in bed, just soaking in the joy of the day.

Each summer has it's own feel and rhythm but there are certain summertime classics that need to be repeated every year.

Catching fireflies
Discovering the first giant hibiscus bloom
Swimming until eyes turn red but no one really cares
Ice cream and freezie pops

Read more about the summertime classics and step outside to enjoy them yourself!

One more month

The countdown is nearing the end. One more month until school starts and this year that actually means something to us.  It actually means a lot. Rather than simply watching other families wind down their summers, we will close down our carefree days as well.
In the final hours of the day when Walter and I sit outside watching the fireflies and waiting for stars to come out, we regularly bring up the subject of our boy heading off to Kindergarten.  I have no reservations about how much Asher will love it.  But I'm not sure I will be ready.

Asher can hardly wait to learn more about reading, be around friends all day long, make cute crafts, and run around in the gym. The knights welcoming students at the front entrance to the school were enough to make him want to spend more time there. But then we visited the ginormous playground a few weeks ago and that threw him over the top of wanting to spend more time at the school.

When Walter and I discuss this whole going to school thing, all I can focus on is the trajectory Asher is officially starting to be launched out into the world. Kindergarten leads to all the excitement of learning about this great big world but the great big world isn't always so great and bigness can be quite scary sometimes.

I don't want to watch him hurt when bullies make him not want to get up in the morning. I hate the thought of my boy dreading going to school because someone told him he really can't be a knight when he grows up or that the Backyardigans aren't cool for a five year old to watch.

On these nights when cicadas sing their songs I try to remember the fun he'll have. Learning how to read full books on his own is going to be such a great discovery. Meeting friends and teachers he'll remember all of his life could fill him with new fun and purpose.

He will adjust fine. I guess it's me who needs to figure out what to do without my Asher around all day.

One more month.