29 March 2010
I haven't felt this emotional since Amelie's birth last year and I don't have raging hormones to blame it on now. Seriously am I crazy to allow a house to have such a hold on me? One minute, when we had gone a few days without a showing, I hated every tiny closet and step outside to the car in rain and snow and the next minute when we knew an offer was coming, I loved my cute backyard and beautiful wood floors.
But now its done. And I think I'm taking it too personally. My attachment here goes beyond all of the amazing memories of moving in as a newlywed and bringing two little babies home to the nursery with original woodwork their daddy refinished.
I'm scared to give up what this house represents to me.
The brick street, the wide welcoming front porch, the built in bookcases, and even the scary walk-up attic are unique. I will not have these treasures in the new home we plan to buy today. The new home is practical. It will be bigger, open, and in a great school district.
The kids will be able to chase each other in the big backyard and I can watch them from my kitchen sink. They can run around in the playroom and I can store stuff in big closets that won't leave ice on my clothes in the winter. Amelie will not grow up being afraid of the noise of the hissing radiators and we will not have four people jostling for space in the single bathroom.
But I'm struggling with this as one more step into a life of average-ness. I'm reminding myself that a house doesn't define me. And practical houses are built for a reason. They are what works and will make my life easier.
The longing to be an individual never dies. Conformity we long for in junior high gives way to a hunt for individuality that causes high schoolers to try white goth make-up, piercings and tattoos in a quest to affirm unique identities.
Apparently, that quest to define "me" ever ends. Whether its a house in a tree, a lime green VW bug, or redish purple hair we find ways to stand out and be not just another mom in the preschool pick-up line.
I'm coming to realize this house has been the thing representing "me" as not just one in a crowd and I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time letting go.
Have the rest of you grown up beyond this crazy quest or is there something you refuse to sell out on?
25 March 2010
A monotonous life of the same old same old scares me to pieces and fans that Ifft flame inside of me to do something crazy like buying a one way plane ticket to backpack around Europe. I know Walter sees that simmering spark in me too because he starts asking questions about my mental health whenever I pick up a book about women who follow their adventurous spirits.
But my predictable responsible oldest child self doesn't rush into far flung dreams quickly. Instead I provide the voice of reason for a family of mom, dad, sister, and brother who live anything but predictable lives.
So what if I did something unpredictable? Sure it wouldn't be exploring options of moving my family to a jungle or hiking the Appalachian Trail from top to bottom but I do have some options.
What if I looked for ways to meet more friends?
What if I stopped fiddling around with a dream and became serious?
What if I found the running shoes in the back of my closet and put them on again? (and then ran a few steps)
What if I took a train trip?
Donald Miller describes the endless possibilities that open up by asking the "what if?" question on his blog. Slipping into the ruts of life and walking through days of stifling predictability happens so easily but I'm happy to be reminded that options are there. I'm challenging myself to act on plot twisting opportunities.
How about you? What does "what if?" look like for you?
22 March 2010
She has been pulling herself up to standing since Thanksgiving when she was just 8 months old. But she lingered over the transition from a stander to a walker. Content to pull up to reach the toys (or brother) she found interesting, or cruise along the front of the couch, she never showed interest in being able to walk across the room since dropping into a crawl happened so naturally.
And I wonder what would happen if I allowed myself to forget what I don't know, focus on the One who controls everything, and take a blind step. Would my world open up to amazing new life to explore?
Where could my feet take me if I simply forgot to focus on myself?
19 March 2010
Happy First Birthday, Amelie.
13 March 2010
My precious little girl yields a sword with great skill, don't you think?
11 March 2010
Grams also loves her family. When she comes to visit Asher knows he can convince Grams to play anything he wants. She has been known to chase him around the house with a large Elmo doll, convince mommy to allow a huge yellow dump truck to be brought into the house, and read stacks of books higher than Asher all in one sitting.
So when we searched for the perfect birthday gift for her, we combined her two loves: flamingos and grandkids into a plate by making handprint flamingos.
While our plate spent a weekend baking in a kiln, my excitement over our creation led me to think about it way more than I imagined I should think about a ceramic plate. God reminded me that He thinks of me, His creation, even more often than I thought about that plate.
I wrote a devotion about this experience and you can read it today on Christiandevotions.us.
10 March 2010
08 March 2010
Part of the story I want to write this year includes making choices for memories we won't soon forget. One of those choices (influenced by airplane ticket and car rental prices) included spending 52 hours in the car with my family over the course of 10 days.
After I finish reading a book, I know its good if memorable scenes stand out to me days after I've finished reading. I am still smiling and sighing over many scenes from our hours in the Jeep. There were many stand out moments that I won't soon forget, but here are some of the highlights:
- Sleepy-eyed party girl Amelie fighting sleep with all her might so she can continue to watch every move of her brother's for two 10 hour days of traveling.
- Asher realizing his sister might actually be a fun source of entertainment and "Fishing for Babies" with his daddy.
- Walter talking into the pink tube turned phone about knight adventures.
- Assuring Asher that the man in the car next to us was not obligated to share his breakfast sandwich with mommy.
- Everyone being content with viewing Dino World through rainy windows in the parking lot.
- Exploring office parks and wooded backlots of Georgia to find geocaches.
- Mommy refusing to give up the wheel because driving is easier than entertaining.
- Daddy proving the love he has for his kids by enjoying the screaming baby and hyper Asher backseat.
Did we write a good story? If memorable equals good, then the answer is YES!