SOLD!

After 62 days of keeping the house perfect we can relax...our beloved home sold this weekend!

I haven't felt this emotional since Amelie's birth last year and I don't have raging hormones to blame it on now. Seriously am I crazy to allow a house to have such a hold on me? One minute, when we had gone a few days without a showing, I hated every tiny closet and step outside to the car in rain and snow and the next minute when we knew an offer was coming, I loved my cute backyard and beautiful wood floors.

But now its done. And I think I'm taking it too personally. My attachment here goes beyond all of the amazing memories of moving in as a newlywed and bringing two little babies home to the nursery with original woodwork their daddy refinished.

I'm scared to give up what this house represents to me.

The brick street, the wide welcoming front porch, the built in bookcases, and even the scary walk-up attic are unique. I will not have these treasures in the new home we plan to buy today. The new home is practical. It will be bigger, open, and in a great school district.

The kids will be able to chase each other in the big backyard and I can watch them from my kitchen sink. They can run around in the playroom and I can store stuff in big closets that won't leave ice on my clothes in the winter. Amelie will not grow up being afraid of the noise of the hissing radiators and we will not have four people jostling for space in the single bathroom.

But I'm struggling with this as one more step into a life of average-ness. I'm reminding myself that a house doesn't define me. And practical houses are built for a reason. They are what works and will make my life easier.

The longing to be an individual never dies. Conformity we long for in junior high gives way to a hunt for individuality that causes high schoolers to try white goth make-up, piercings and tattoos in a quest to affirm unique identities.

Apparently, that quest to define "me" ever ends. Whether its a house in a tree, a lime green VW bug, or redish purple hair we find ways to stand out and be not just another mom in the preschool pick-up line.

I'm coming to realize this house has been the thing representing "me" as not just one in a crowd and I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time letting go.

Have the rest of you grown up beyond this crazy quest or is there something you refuse to sell out on?