Buddy Boo

"Buddy Boo, we love you!"

Six months ago, I left the house in the middle of the night with nothing other than a coat and came home two days later with our Buddy Boo.

Content and smiley and launching us into the crazy club of three kids, I can't believe Asa has been here six months. Funny how I also can't imagine what life was like without him.

Amelie's squeals of "Baby Asa-a-a-a-a-a."
Asher's subtle grins whenever we talk about how the boys outnumber the girls.
Walter's confidence that Asa's bulkiness means a destiny surrounded by sports.

And my contentment with grace overflowing.

The third child may not get toys with working batteries, or books with covers still attached.  His clothes are a little outdated and we occassionally use a pink washcloth to bathe him.

But he is loved and we are so thankful for our smiley Buddy Boo.

Not my role

I have a confession to make.

Although we've had money management systems before, we are just now transitioning to a real active budget. While I miss buying whatever I need (want) on a whim, I feel safer in the constraints of knowing my limitations.

I know my limits, and for my control-freak tendencies, this means I constantly rehearse them. Mentally recalculating and doing various "what-if" scenarios. These numbers have become my go-to thoughts - the place my mind naturally falls when there's a lull of answering a two year old's perpetual WHY? questions.  Because our budget accounts zero out by the end of the month, I regularly add and subtract upcoming expenses to make sure the math will work out once again.

Month after month, the cycle rises and falls with my anxiety building at the end of the month while I hold my breath to see if each category will have enough.

Insanity I tell you!

I know God's resources are unlimited. I believe He will provide, but I also believe He doesn't want us to be foolish with our spending choices or neglect giving back to Him.

And so I continue to allow anxiousness to consume me.

Sarah Young's words reminded me this morning of so many powerful things. She deflated my business-educated bubble of control by knowledge when she stated that I'm missing something if I continue to be anxious about the future.

That missing something is remembering that God's Presence is also in the future. Not only is He here guiding and comforting me in this moment, but He will be in all my future moments. While my mind has made me the "god of my fantasies," thankfully that is not my role!

God is God of my current reality and He is God of any crazy scenarios I imagine, and He is God of the future reality.

"Anxiety is a result of envisioning a future without (God)."

Simmering

Is missional a hot word right now or is it just me? 

Everyone wants to be missional and I am no exception. In my daily tasks I dare to hope that my purpose here consists of more than repeating the same chores of picking up, putting away, and washing. I don't want to ignore the immediacy of the demands of my three kids and I absolutely want to soak up these days with them, but I do want to know this is not the end of my work.

Although my passions for other cultures, writing, and exploring outdoors are put on a simmer mode for now, I do hope the little dabbles I make into areas will keep those fires burning until I am able to turn more focus back onto them.

At our new little "bookclub," Vicky, Rita and I shared our passions and plans. Even though we're all in an intense parenting stage, we celebrated freedom in knowing there will come a day when our focus can return to those simmering passions.

In my hopes of keeping my other loves alive, I brainstormed ways to remain on a mission even during the days when the immediate must come first. You can check the article out at The Pantagraph online.