Not my role

I have a confession to make.

Although we've had money management systems before, we are just now transitioning to a real active budget. While I miss buying whatever I need (want) on a whim, I feel safer in the constraints of knowing my limitations.

I know my limits, and for my control-freak tendencies, this means I constantly rehearse them. Mentally recalculating and doing various "what-if" scenarios. These numbers have become my go-to thoughts - the place my mind naturally falls when there's a lull of answering a two year old's perpetual WHY? questions.  Because our budget accounts zero out by the end of the month, I regularly add and subtract upcoming expenses to make sure the math will work out once again.

Month after month, the cycle rises and falls with my anxiety building at the end of the month while I hold my breath to see if each category will have enough.

Insanity I tell you!

I know God's resources are unlimited. I believe He will provide, but I also believe He doesn't want us to be foolish with our spending choices or neglect giving back to Him.

And so I continue to allow anxiousness to consume me.

Sarah Young's words reminded me this morning of so many powerful things. She deflated my business-educated bubble of control by knowledge when she stated that I'm missing something if I continue to be anxious about the future.

That missing something is remembering that God's Presence is also in the future. Not only is He here guiding and comforting me in this moment, but He will be in all my future moments. While my mind has made me the "god of my fantasies," thankfully that is not my role!

God is God of my current reality and He is God of any crazy scenarios I imagine, and He is God of the future reality.

"Anxiety is a result of envisioning a future without (God)."