Prefer the given

"Does it ding?" I asked the lady behind the card table.

She answered that in fact it does and I quickly tucked it away as my greatest garage sale treasure of the year.

I could hardly wait to get home and watch Asher's eyes brighten when he saw the clocks dinger swing back and forth and heard the chimes pealing out the time of day. This was way better than the educational cow cuckoo clock gift he received on his birthday!

Finally! A ding clock. It seemed his dreams had all come true. Until we went to the lobby of his school yesterday where a beautiful, big, majestic grandfather clock stands, and I realized he will never be satisfied until he has a grandfather clock gonging in his room.

I heard aphrase on my favorite midday show today that reminded me of the grandfather clock dream. Talking about jealousy, they discussed the freedom of being able to "prefer the given." This phrase coined by a great thinker who I didn't catch the name of, has stuck with me today. And I realize that my instincts are no different than those of a three year old.

Usually I prefer anything but what I have.

I have a beautiful new baby but long for freedom.

Walter's job allows me to stay home full time, but I miss the officialness of work outside the home.

Writing opportunities have appeared in my life but I don't feel the urge to write.

Contentment has never come easy for me. Even though my life is so blessed and good, I always long for something else. Sometimes I long for big parts of my life to be different, but the longings that disrupt my contentment most are the daily small things.

It's little things like an attached garage on a rainy day, a warm walk-in closet when I find frost on the clothes in my tiny box of a closet, or a slug-free flowerbed when the buds on my flowers are popped off one by one, that steal my contentment.

If only Asher and I both could prefer the clocks life has given us.