Countdown

Before I ever got pregnant with Amelie, Asher shouted his feelings about babies every time we spotted an infant carrier. He would run through the church hallway shouting that there should not be any babies there. So we knew having a squirming new one at our own home would bring a big set of challenges.


And it has.


Even a year later, that sign about "no babies" still gets hung back up on our porch and he regularly tells me of his frustrations with having Amelie around. Thankfully God provides glimpses into Asher's heart that reveal he really does love his baby sister, but the words that come from my son's mouth don't usually match those inner feelings.


Through my frustration and extreme desire for my kids to have a bond that will last a lifetime, I take every opportunity to probe into his heart to understand the root of his negative feelings. I think I understand the basics.


1. He is mourning the loss of Walter and my complete attention.

2. He wants her to be a friend that he can play with like his best buds that he acts so silly with.


The attention is an obvious threat. I prepared myself for that one and clearly see him wrestle with it daily. He wants to show us how he can walk since Amelie is now taking teetering steps. He tries to prove his knowledge of animal noises as Amelie begins to make woofing and tweeting sounds.


But I am surprised by his intense desire for Amelie to grow up. I see now that a baby who cries and sleeps and sometimes smells stinky is of no use for a 4 year old. Even though I've pointed out that she can play catch now and they can chase each other or they can look at books together she's still not old enough.

This weekend, he asked if we could make a countdown calendar to the day when Amelie will be grown up. Envisioning us creating a 17 year calendar that we could mark off every day until she officially becomes grown up brought a lump to my throat. As her mom, I'm not looking forward to that day when she is grown up and leaves the house! I love having my cuddly girl with her wide grin.



But Asher's time frame for when Amelie would be grown up isn't quite so long. When I asked when that time would be when she is grown up, he told me, "When she is two."


And I smiled.

If I only have to wait another 11 months until her second birthday for Asher to finally like his sister, I will be a happy mom!